Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose
selling point was that it was on top of the largest
skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the
bartender for a Jack Daniel’s. He downs it, and then takes
a running leap out the window. Much to everybody’s
surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window
back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks
the man how he did it.

“Geez, Superman,” says the bartender. “You can be a real a
jerk when you’re drunk.”

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt
pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he
finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the
bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy,
I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look
inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m
peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to
go home.”

Bartenders do it on the rocks.
Bartenders do it as you wish.
Bartenders do it for tips.

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man
with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of
whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking
out the door. The bartender says, “Hey aren’t you going to pay for that?” The
man says, “Excuse me, Castro’s Army.” The bartender says, “Alright then” and the
man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.
He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, “Hey
aren’t you going to pay for that?” The Scotsman says, “Excuse me, Castro’s
Army.” The bartender says, “Hey where is your big black beard?” The Scotsman
thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, “Secret Service!”

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. “That will be one ruble,” says
the bartender. “One ruble!” the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty
kopeks!” “Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer and
fifty kopecs for the perestroika.” Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender
a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and
says, “We are out of beer.”

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a good drink. The
bartender says that their grasshoppers are very good, so the man orders one.
Then he has another couple.

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Beer for me, beer for you,
and beer for everyone who is in the bar now.” After drinking, the man starts
walking out of the bar. “Hey, what about the payment?” yells the bartender. “I
have no money,” answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as
hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out
for a beer.

One drink is just right, two are too many, three are too few.