Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball
and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple
integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water,
and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball
table.

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the
range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several
shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had
completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the
weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end
of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his
finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area.

All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:

- things that need to be fixed,
- things that will need to be fixed after you’ve had a few minutes to play
with them.

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true”, the woman
wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest
of my life?”

I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the
shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd,
but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and
tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the
room, and all the waiters and busboys had spoons in their pockets. When our
waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, “Why the spoons?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the
spoon.”

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Another thing that sucks — in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is
that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold
plated contacts.

The U.S. military has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any
strategic or tactical problem.

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical
engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of
the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be
wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the
car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical
engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming
emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not
knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don`t we close all
the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work
!?”