Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

2) You now think of three espressos as ”getting wasted.”

3) You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he
emails you back, ”What’s for dinner?”

6) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

7) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you
haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

You didn’t give your wife a Valentine’s card this year, but you posted one
for your email buddies via a Web page.

9) Your daughter just bought CDs of all the worst records your college
roommate used to play.

10) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the
screen.

11) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for
half the price you paid.

12) The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a
purchase is foreign to you.

13) Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags our of the
backseat of your car.

14) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have
email addresses.

15) You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the
engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing
and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators.
The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every
room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular
guy.

One day God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s
it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators. The computers are faster than ever and we’ve got
music in every room. There’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up
with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never
have gotten down there! Send him back up here, now.”

Satan shouts back, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m
keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right… and just where are YOU
going to find a lawyer?”

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head
scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a
congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

“Mr. President,” said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, “after twelve years of
hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent
life on Mars.”

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a
frown.

He said, “But that’s impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr.
President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring
at him curiously.

One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an
electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.

The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but
resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it
touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.

The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of
the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.

However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the
local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.

After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed
at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as
a novelty item back here on earth.