Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Sex
5. Dinner/Dancing
6. Waffle iron

1. CANDY

It means that… You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and
hopefully likes to share. OR… You’re a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar
high over everything, even true love.

2. FLOWERS

it means that… You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and
appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR… You get some twisted joy out of
watching vegetation wither and die.

3. A SWEET POEM

It means that… You’re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes
the power and beauty of the written word. OR… You’re used to cheap gifts and
like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and
beauty of the written word.

4. SEX

it means that… You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to
express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical
side of love can be meaningful and beautiful. OR… You’re a filthy degenerate
who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience
after another.

5. DINNER/DANCING

it means that… You enjoy the company of that special someone and the
romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR… You’re easy to please
and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the
dance floor.

6. WAFFLE IRON

12. Honey, I’m going to the store, do you need more tampons?

13. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?

14. Do these jeans come in lavender?

15. I love jogging dear, but I can’t keep up with you. You go on
ahead.

16. This shower curtain doesn’t have enough frills on it.

17. Damn, too bad this car isn’t a four cylinder.

18. My butt’s too big, don’t lie, it’s true. My butt’s too big.

19. It’s OK; I’ll sleep in the wet spot.

You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.

If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don’t have to apologize before you
ride it again.

You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.

You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won’t get
frustrated.

Your parents won’t remain in touch with your old bicycle after
you dump it.

Bicycles don’t get headaches.

Bicycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.

Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.

Bicycles don’t care if you’re late.

You don’t have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

If your Bicycle doesn’t look good you can paint it or get better parts.

You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take
it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent
helmet.

“ Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes
off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love”, she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off
her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on
your chest?” asks the doctor.

“ Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes
off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love”, she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off
her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at
Michigan?” asks the doctor.

13. warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

12. warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
a******.

11. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

10. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to they sings like thish.

9. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.

7. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).

6. warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.

5. warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named chuck.

4. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
with you.

2. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
disappear.