“Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam
Hussein said ‘You can do that?’” .Jay Leno
“War continues in Iraq. They’re calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom.They were
going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells
‘OIL.’” .Jay Leno
“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the
willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
.JonStewart
“According to the New York Times, Saddam Hussein has mined all
his oil fields, planted bombs in all his major cities, he’s got bombs in the
military installations, in the airports, and he’s mined all the government
buildings. There’s not much left for us to do, really.” .JayLeno
“Good news for Iraq. There’s a 50 percent chance that President Bush will
confuse it with Iran.” .Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with
Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, ‘I know
you’re there, pick up, pick up.” .Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn’t pronounce in countries
he never knew existed.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush found out something this week. Between the countries of
Cameroon, Chile, Angola and Syria, Angola plays the best music whenthey put you
on hold.” .Craig Kilborn
“As you all know we’re about to start March Madness. That’s NCAA college
basketball tournament when they start with 64 teams and you whittle them down to
just one, you know kind of like our allies.” .Jay Leno
“CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into threeparts
… regular, premium and unleaded.” .Jay Leno
A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National
Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti- war organization called
‘Books Not Bombs.’ President Bush said, ‘Why do you want to drop books on
them?’” .Jay Leno
“My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for the weekend. So, I took her down
the street to the local Texaco.” .Jay Leno
“Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a
barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.” .Jay Leno
“Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of
Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting.Iraq? We can’t
even get this in Florida.” .Jay Leno
“In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has challenged President Bush to a
live, televised debate. I think this would be fair, since English is a second
language to both of them.” .Jay Leno
“President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage
war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American
voters to become president, either.” .David Letterman
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam
Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing,
education . anything that’s needed. Isn’t that amazing? He finally comes up with
a domestic agenda. and it’s for Iraq.Maybe we could bring that here if it works
out.” .Jay Leno
“Secretary of State Colin Powell addressed the United Nations Security
Council, offering a compelling 90-minute presentation that not only furthered
his case but reminded the world why America is second to none in the field of
PowerPoint.” .Jay Leno
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” .Conan
O’Brien
“The state of Texas executed its third prison inmate this week. This
week. In fact, they don’t even have a last meal anymore, now it’s a buffet.”
.Jay Leno
“I read today that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75
times by really big words.” .Jay Leno
“This week officials from France, Russia and Germany accused President Bush of
having a fondness for war. Yeah, when asked about it, a spokesman for Bush said,
‘It’s a one syllable word, of course he’s fond of it.’” .Conan O’Brien