Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

“The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur.”
—George W. Bush, discussing the decline of the French economy with British Prime
Minister Tony Blair

“I love the idea of a school in which people come to get educated and stay in
the state in which they’re educated.” —George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Aug. 14,
2002.

“I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all
throughout our society.” —George W. Bush, Waco, Texas, Aug 13 2002.

“The trial lawyers are very politically powerful. … But here in Texas we took
them on and got some good medical — medical malpractice.” —George W. Bush, Waco,
Texas, Aug. 13, 2002.

“There may be some tough times here in America. But this country has gone
through tough times before, and we’re going to do it again.” —George W. Bush,
Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

And here’s another! Well it’s actually an AP headline: “Philippine leader gets
rare Bush dinner.” I know, I’m a twelve year-old boy, you don’t have to tell me.
I’m giggling like a schoolboy after hearing the word “titmouse”. Haha…
titmouse.

Why doesn’t Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

January 20: take oath to uphold the honor and dignity of the office of
president of the united states. nudge rehnquist, ask what he’s wearing under
that dress.
january 23: award presidential medal of freedom to ralph nader.
january 24: help alec baldwin pack.
january 30: memo to jeb: in your face, poindexter!
january 31: get people working on stuff.
february 3: bring democrats and republicans together.
february 4: bring peanut butter and chocolate together.
february 5: unite north, south dakota; north, south carolina; new, old
mexico.
february 7: get loaded, fail to name designated driver, don’t tell
anyone for 25 years, usher in an era of personal responsibility.
february 9: change pitch and tone of washington to something that will only
annoy dogs.
february 12: replace affirmative action with affirmative access. replace
medicare with med cool. replace department of transportation with department of
fantabulation.
february 18: offer jeb important cabinet position, possibly
secretary of my a******.
february 20: invite nra executives into oval office to write legislation, play
madden nfl 2001.
march 1-march 31: halftime!
april 1: plant flowers in rose garden: daisies?
april 7: give younger workers the opportunity to responsibly invest a portion
of their payroll taxes in ebay bids.
april 9: open up yellowstone national park, the appalachian trail and
chappaqua, ny for oil exploration.
april 12: state dinner for emperor akihito of japan. does “samurai dry
cleaner” sketch.
april 15: replace soft bigotry of low expectations with hard nougat of candy.
april 18: try oval office fellatio (once or twice; what’s the harm?).

Told to me by my father, who heard it from his cousin?

Gorbachev smiles and picks up the phone. “Hello, Neil…”

The winner in this year’s $1 million prize in the Pillsbury Bake-Off is a
Cream Cheese Brownie Pie created by Roberta Sonefeld from Hopkins, South
Carolina. This pie is so rich; George W. Bush asked it for a campaign
contribution.

Thousands of people are expected for the 15th annual Burning Man festival this
year in Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. This is the big hippie
festival, where people run around naked, drink and get stoned, or as George W.
Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for president.