Archive for September, 2007Looking back on photosMonday, September 3rd, 2007The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; FriendsMonday, September 3rd, 2007One Spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the steps of my Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went over to Still sobbing, one held up her doll. “My baby’s arm came off,” she said. I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and luck, the “Thank you.” came a whisper. Next looking into the tearful eyes of her friend, I asked, “and what’s the She wiped her cheeks. “I was helping her cry,” she said. Pulling HairMonday, September 3rd, 2007A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. Out huntingMonday, September 3rd, 2007A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said The son answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. In the navyMonday, September 3rd, 2007‘Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and…’ Mummy tells him to ‘I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt `I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts Big people wordsMonday, September 3rd, 2007A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. “you need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. she asked “no, you went to visit your grandmother. use big people words!” she then asked she said, “no, you took a ride on a train. use big people words.” she then “that’s wonderful!” the teacher said. “what book did you read?” bobby thought Balcony newsMonday, September 3rd, 2007Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. “Looks like the Anderson’s have company,” he called out. “Matt`s riding a new Mom and dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” the startled father asked. “Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied. ElephantsMonday, September 3rd, 2007A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. “That’s an elephant”, the mother said. After the child repeated after her, he asked, “Mommy? What’s that thing The mother replied, “That’s his trunk, sweetheart.” “No, no”, said the child, “Behind that!” “Oh, that’s his tail”, she said. “No, no!” the boy exclaimed. “That thing in the middle!” The woman was flustered and replied, “Uhhhh, that’s nothing, honey!” And they The next weekend, the boy’s father came to pick him up and the child cried, The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the “Very GOOD”, beamed the father. “I’m proud of you for remembering all these The boy asked, “Daddy? What’s that thing hanging down on the elephant?” The father replied, “That’s his trunk.” “No!”, the boy moaned, “Behind that!” “That’s his tail”, the father replied. “No, no! That thing in the middle!” The father stammered, “Er…what did your mother say it was?” “She said it was nothing!” “Well”, the man said, puffing out his chest. “Your mother’s spoiled!” Simple questionsMonday, September 3rd, 2007A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9″. Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36″. And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the Ms Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The Ms Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? “Harry, after a moment “Legs.” Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” Harry: “Pockets.” Ms Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants” Ms Brooks: What’s a start with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and Harry: Coconut Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge. Harry: Bubblegum Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: Shake hands Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay? Harry: Yep. Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get Harry: Tent Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. Harry: Wedding Ring Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow Harry: Nose Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Harry: Arrow Ms Brooks: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement? Harry: Fire truck The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in Train conductorMonday, September 3rd, 2007A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of you sons of bitches who The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his She heard her little darling continue… “For those of you just boarding, As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are |
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