Emailed Jokes - Funny Jokes

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said
“Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is
worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or
what?”

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his
face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so
far I have saved $20!”

Teacher: Of course not!

The little boy calls out, “My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn’t have
to come the ladder when he dropped one.”

The handyman says, “Yeah, that’s great, kid”, and climbs back up the ladder
and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes
back down the ladder.

The little boy calls out again, “My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he
wouldn’t have to come the ladder when he dropped one.”

The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later,
the man realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has no way into
the house, so he climbs down the ladder and goes behind a bush.

When he’s finishing up, he notices that the little boy has followed him. “I
suppose your daddy has two of these too?” he asked.

when he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. his mum was in
the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her “mum, what is the first letter
of the alphabet?”
just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open
and shouted “s***!!!”
jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.

he asked him “big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?”
his brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and
jimmy heard him say “only if you give me some heroin!”

jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister
watching superman.
“sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?”
his sisters eyes were fixed on the the tv and she ignored jimmy. “superman!!!”
she shouted out in excitment.

the next day when jimmy went into school the teacher asked him if he had done
his homework.
jimmy then shouted out “s***!!!” (the first letter of the alphabet.)

his teacher was very angry and shouted “right young man, you’re going to the
head teacher!”
and jimmy replied by saying “only if you give me some heroin!” the teacher’s
face went red with anger and dragged jimmy to the head teacher’s office by his
ear. when jimmy and the teacher were in the head teacher’s office the
headteacher asked, “who do you think you, are young man?”

so jimmy shouted “superman!!!!!”

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They
will in a minute.”

Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an
accident? -Norma

Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t
You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that
okay? -Neil

Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had
everything. -Jane

Dear God, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if
you did, then I’m going to fix my brother!
-Darla

Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce

Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some
things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not
hurt him anyway. Your friend. (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our
day of rest. -Tom L.

Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can
look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny

Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had
their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much
hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your goodest inventions.
-Ruth M.

Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole
world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.

Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love,
Chris

Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did
it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna

-Unknown email sent me it

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the
bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said,
“Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”

When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was
sitting absolutely quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, “I’ve never seen anything like this
before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why
are you so well behaved and quiet?”