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Archive for September, 2007
Monday, September 3rd, 2007
A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked
her not to do that.
“Why?”
“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”
At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked,
“Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on
the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a mommy.”
“Oh.”
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently
pondering this new information.
“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy.”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
Timmy had been have a hard time in math class and got an f on almost all of
his report cards. His mom thought he’d be better off if he went to a private
catholic school. The very first day of school Timmy came home went straight to
his room and began working until he finally just fell asleep on his bed. This
continued for a long time until he got his first report card from the new school
and his mom was so proud when he got an A in Math. She said i knew you’d do
better in a private school. Then she says how did you do so well and timmy
replies, “When i walked in and saw the guy nailed to the plus sign i knew they
meant bussiness.”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.”
Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The
7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin
swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old
says, ”When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I’ll say ‘hell’ and
you say ‘ass’.”
The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother
walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The
7-year-old replies, ”Aw hell, Mom, I’ll just have some Cheerios.”
The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs,
bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother
then asks the younger son, ”And what would YOU like for breakfast?”
”I don’t know,” the 4-year-old blubbers, ”but you can bet your ASS it’s not
gonna be Cheerios!”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body
part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, “You should not
be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and
they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she
going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued, “As
for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind,
Two, you didn’t read your homework, and
Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed,
”Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!”
”No. You had your chance.”
A minute later the boy screamed ”Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?”
”No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I’ll come up there and spank
you.”
”Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls
have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends,
“It’s okay, we can play that game again!”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room.
The little girl was softly sobbing.
“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy.
“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the
girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.”
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she
wouldn”t be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please son”t let me be late to
church. Please don”t let me be late to church….” And, as she was running she
tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again, “Please, God don”t let me be
late to church — but don”t shove me either!
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently
was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to
use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls
would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be
done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the
maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a
long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators…
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